Trust
by Kilarra
Summary: You know that awkward moment between being evil and becoming good? It's usually accompanied by an awkward talk with a new friend who's about a skeptical as you are about the whole process. Kouichi/J.P. sort of friendship.


**Author's Note: This is a little experiment that's been sitting on my hard drive for a couple months. I was working through Destiny and felt like J.P. deserved more attention, but couldn't find a good spot to fit him in. Also, and this is just me, but these two characters seem to have almost no chemistry. I've read it a good 10 times through and I'm still kind of on the fence about it. So I figure the best course of action is to stick it on the Internet and let the world (aka: you people reading it) decide. Be critical, but be kind? Reviews appreciated, especially on this one.**

**Disclaimer: Not making any money, so does anyone really care if I claim anything? I'm not, but I think it's a valid question.**

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><p>Get to the Dark Continent: check. Defeat evil Legendary Warriors: check. Defeat Duskmon: check. Discover and save Kouji's long lost twin brother: check. Save Ophanimon: underway. Defeat Cherubimon: almost there. Save the Digital World: working on it. When you looked at where they'd started, it wasn't bad progress at all. By all accounts, things were going well. Granted, when battling absolute evil and trying to prevent the total destruction of the universe, things could always be going better. There could always be some rainbows or kittens or something cheerful. Or better yet, there could be no evil to fight. However, none of that being the case, and given the amount of good they'd been able to accomplish in the time they'd spent in the Digital World, it was safe to say that things were going pretty darn well. J.P. rolled onto his back and latched his hands behind his head as he mulled this over in his mind, grinning faintly.<p>

Even as he sat and congratulated himself and his friends for their achievements they were en route to finish it. They would be at the Rose Morning Star in a day or so and then they'd free Ophanimon and fight Cherubimon and all that fun jazz. Then they could go home. Finally. Not that he didn't like the Digital World and not that there was really much in the Real World he missed. He had better friends here than he'd ever dreamed possible there and had a much more impactful and exciting life here than he'd every really aspired to there. It was more the idea of home that he missed, his family, his life. That feeling you get when you're not constantly afraid of being attacked. Food that looked like what it was going to taste like. You know, the little things. Also, and he really wasn't one to complain about such things, but a real bed or even a futon would be most welcome. This ground thing was killing his back.

After a moment of deliberation, he decided to stop feigning sleep altogether and try to be useful in some way. How could he help it; he was just so full of a sense of good will and achievement at the moment. He sighed heavily and sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking at their little campfire. It had fallen into embers as the company had slept and now sat coldly at their center, glowing faintly. Something stirred and he heard the soft sounds of someone blowing. There was a cold intake of breath, then the sound came again and the embers jumped momentarily into life, illuminating their reviver's face. J.P. recognized it immediately, then just as immediately faltered. It was Kouji, yet a paler, sicker Kouji than he'd ever had the pleasure of seeing. The lips that were usually set into a stubborn pout of indifference had softened, parting gently to release the air. While Kouji would have blown, this mouth seemed more to open and just let it happen. Dark hair had inched its way onto the usually bare brow and now lay there weightlessly, as if unsure it was truly welcome. All this was reason enough to reconsider his initial assumption, but what kept him still and silent in his observation were the eyes.

The navy blue eyes were impossible to mistake; J.P. wasn't sure he ever had or ever would meet another soul with quite the same shade glinting in their irises. They gleamed in the brief flash of fire light, seeing the flame yet still distant from its heat. But as much as they were Kouji's eyes they weren't. Kouji's eyes were steely and hard, eternally darting from here to there casually, watching. Even in affection they were stern, as if to allow anyone to see his soul honestly dozing in their depths was to open himself for an attack. Most of the time they betrayed none of the emotion from his face, genuine or not, and sat back passively. The eyes now before him were anything but passive in expression.

All the pain in the world was freely shown in their blue depths. They were the puppy in the bathtub, betrayed and uncomprehending. They were the repentant child, full of honest and simple regret. They were the poor mother, helpless and worn and this close to despair. There was a sadness in them that could never be born alone, and a fragility that made him worry their owner might simply shatter at any moment from the stress. Still, beneath all that raw emotion a serpent lay coiled and seething. Whatever coldness, whatever harsh cruelty Kouji thought he could muster up in his sharpest of looks was a rubber knife in the face of this blade. In these eyes so like Kouji's there was a icy edge that so surpassed anything he could even dream of. It was what happens to the soul when it's left under the pressure of loneliness and envy for too long, like carbon in the earth. These eyes held a hard, unyielding edge that might heave been beautiful in its own way if it hadn't so easily closed its long, frozen fingers around J.P.'s throat. His face might lie, his voice might lie, and the lies may be so expertly woven they're even believable, but these eyes would always show the truth. You can't encounter such evil and not be marked by it.

The face withdrew from the fire, never looking at him. J.P. heard the almost silenced sounds of someone getting up and moving off. For a moment longer he sat on his little leaf bed, shaken. He kept forgetting that 'rescue Kouji's long lost twin brother' was synonymous with 'adopt Duskmon.' Getting his brain around that one had proven to be more of a challenge than he'd originally anticipated. Heck, he still couldn't even remember the guy's name. In his defense, it had hardly been two days since they'd picked him up. And nobody seemed too willing or able to communicate with him yet. I mean, what could you even say to the guy as a conversation starter? 'Sooooo, no impulses to attack anyone recently?' J.P. may not have been Mr. Suave, but he wasn't that tactless either. So far the plan had just been to ignore Kouji's new brother and hope for the best.

But the paralysis passed and, as interest overruled awkwardness, J.P. got up to investigate. Where could anyone be going at this time on the Dark Continent? What needed to be done that couldn't occur in the presence of everyone else? Why was Kouji's brother stealing off alone into the night? Curiosity was the wrong word. Everything had been going so well; it would just ruin his week if they were to be ambushed while asleep. Call it what you will- heartless, insensitive, paranoid- there was no way he would risk his and his friend's safety on blind faith in a guy who'd been honestly trying to kill them not 36 hours ago and had, excluding his little defeat-Cherubimon-look-a-like speech, barely said two words since. Better to be a bit of a suspicious ass than a naïve failure.

Unfortunately for J.P., he was less the stealthy ninja than he fancied himself and more of a regular guy out following someone in a dark forest. Just about the time he'd caught up with Kouji's brother and taken up a clever surveillance position behind the nearest tree, he stepped on a dry branch. The crack was deafening. J.P. winced, but the other boy barely responded. He inclined his head slightly in J.P.'s general direction without looking at him and said, "The light is going out, J.P.. Without it, it'll get even colder."

What a weird thing to say upon discovering someone's following you. Sure, he probably had Kouji's super senses and already knew, but still. One could say 'oh, I didn't see you over there' or 'you startled me' or even just 'what do you think you're doing.' But no, Kouji's brother had to be all cryptic and fancy. What do you even say to something like that?

"Is it cold now," asked J.P. as casually as he could, picking the best option and going for the weather as he stepped out from behind his tree and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The boy turned around and advanced on him, still not making eye contact. Or really even looking at him at all. A sort of involuntary shiver shot down J.P.'s arms. What a creeper. No- creepy was the wrong term, as Kouji had explained in terse whisper that was slightly more strained than usual. He was quiet and J.P. should give it a try some time.

"It's always cold here."

"I guess you would know better than any of us," said J.P. with a shrug. The boy froze as if struck, tucking his chin to his chest and looking more intently at not-J.P. That had been the wrong thing to say. "So, uh," he started up again, trying to recover. "Whacha doin' out here Koujjjjjjjjiiiiiiichi."

"Kouichi," the boy corrected, almost inaudibly. Color had come into his cheeks and he looked almost in pain. "Kimura Kouichi."

"Right! I knew that." Kouichi didn't grace him with a response. He bent down and reached for J.P.'s foot. J.P. let out a slight exclamation of surprise and suspicion and jumped back, but Kouji's brother only picked up the stick he'd just stepped on and added it to the pile in his arms. They both blushed, one a little more profusely than the other, and J.P. let out a nervous laugh.

"Sorry, I guess I'm a little jumpy. Sleep loss- plus this place puts me on edge. It's always so dark and ominous." Kouichi turned and moved away from him, biting his lip nervously. He still hadn't actually made eye contact. The old, pre-Digimon J.P. wanted to just give up and wait for him back at camp. Safety in numbers, his bed, the fire, all those little comforts were waiting for him to just turn around and abandon the lost cause. But the new J.P. recognized he'd made a booboo; if he was going to insult or accuse the guy of something, he should at least have the decency to do it outright. "Not that dark is a bad thing! I don't associate it with evil and trying to kill me or anything like that! Darkness if great! …I'm just not used to it is all." Unfortunately, the new-J.P. was still learning that tact thing.

There was a long, cold, awkward silence during which J.P. held his hands up as if to offer a truce and ward off an attack at the same time and Kouichi let his face relax into indifference as he stared into the night. His whole body relaxed into the dark around him and J.P. watched his pupils constrict ever so slightly. Which was really odd considering how dark it was.

"You don't trust me, do you," he breathed finally. It was more of a statement than a question.

"What? Of course I trust you. Why would you think I don't trust you," he spluttered in reply, looking around shiftily.

"It's all right, J.P.," Kouichi said, looking into the sky. His head didn't move, but his eyes gazed up imploringly, though precisely what question they asked the heavens was impossible to read. "It's good to know there's someone else who doesn't think a data scan can cure a person of evil."

"Well, I don't wanna sound rude or insensitive or anything," said J.P., gesturing with his hands somewhat excessively. "But you have to admit, people aren't data and they work differently. I don't have all the details on how or why you came here, all I know is you show up out of nowhere and Kouji's just like 'He's my brother! He used to be evil, but he's not anymore' and we're all just supposed to accept that without any sort of proof and then you're all like 'I reject evil and now I'm gonna go fight Cherubimon!' But you could just as easily be leading us into a trap or be waiting to take us down from the inside or- wait, someone else?"

Kouichi had let his head fall back to gaze into the dark clouds in earnest and the smallest of cynical grins had begun to curve his lips as J.P. spoke. "I understand what you're saying, J.P.," he said coolly. "Because I don't trust me either." His head fell forward onto his chest and his body slumped as a body is prone to do after a heavy sigh. "I'm not the victim here, I'm the criminal. I wish people would treat me that way instead of tiptoeing around like I'm about to snap in two."

"Well, you may prefer that, but your brother would never let _anyone_ even say _anything_ so harsh to you." He'd meant this to be comforting, like code for 'your brother loves you and doesn't care that you tried to kill him multiple times,' but it had the opposite effect. Those unmistakable navy eyes narrowed and slid to meet his like the crack of an icy whip.

"My brother is a fool."

It wasn't the gaze of a helpless child, or even the gaze of a repentant wrongdoer. J.P. knew this gaze; it sent panicked shivers down his spine to remember, but he did nonetheless. For a moment, he even convinced himself that the eyes had regained their carmine color.

"See that," exclaimed J.P., holding his ground despite the old fear. "It's not your history that gets me. It's not even the fact that you _were_ Duskmon! It's stuff like that, right there!" He pointed accusingly at Kouichi's face. "That make me thing you're gonna try something!"

His pointer finger was met by a scoffing indifference for the first instant, then the features began to rearrange, as if remembering whose body they belonged to. The scowl that had shaped around Duskmon's eyes began to soften slowly. The snarl on the lips relaxed and they parted just slightly in astonishment, as if less concerned about his claims and more shocked that he would be so bold as to even utter them. The dangerously tucked chin raised and the arched spine uncoiled. He blinked once, and all traces of the monster were gone from his eyes. His pupils dilated so the navy blue was once again a sea of hurt and regret and his eyes widened in horror.

He looked away quickly, lips pressing in humiliation as tendons strained in his neck. His entire body stiffened as an almost tangible wall flew up around him. "I'm sorry," he breathed, as if the words would break if he said them too loudly. Gently, without really seeming to move, he raised one hand to cover his eyes. With the other he pulled his bundle of sticks into his chest, clutching them tightly. "I just… I never know what I'm saying anymore."

"Well, it's not so much what you say, but how you say it," said J.P., dropping his arms to his sides with a sigh. He hadn't intended to have a conversation, but as long they were talking, he could try to straighten a few things out. "Kouji's thick headed and stubborn, but he's not a fool. It's not foolish to want to trust family, no matter what they've done."

Kouichi raised his face to meet J.P.'s critical gaze, this time keeping his eyes soft and unassuming. His hand continued to hover before his chest, like he'd forgotten it was there. "Just unwise," he read from the silence. The words hung between them like a handshake and the smallest of smiles curved Kouichi's lips as the smallest of frowns tugged at J.P.'s. "I will not betray my brother again, J.P.; I'll die first. I'm strong enough for that." He looked away, raking his teeth across his lower lip nervously. "I can not allow myself to do otherwise."

"But," prodded J.P., sensing more. Kouichi shifted uncomfortably, coiling his free hand into a fist and dropping it to his side. He clearly regretted bringing anything up at all.

J.P. felt sorry for the boy. Really, he did. From the brief and disjointed synopsis Takuya had given when they'd first brought the awkward kid back, it couldn't have been easy for him in the Digital world. And now he had to live with all the people he'd hurt, knowing that they recognized him and worse, generally forgave him. There was no comfort or way out for Kouichi. Yet J.P. couldn't let him off the hook as easily as everyone else had. This innocent-looking child had tried to kill his friends, not just fought, not just injured, but tried to _kill_. Granted, he'd managed to stop himself, but if there was even a chance he could try it again, J.P. had to be ready. He would protect his friends, even if it meant effectively putting Kouichi under a microscope. Uncomfortable, but necessary. They both knew it.

The stillness between them was suffocating. Words that needed to be said but couldn't find a voice swam through the air like mosquito larva. Finally, J.P. let his shoulders drop, rolled his eyes in exasperation, and advanced on the boy. Kouichi pulled back, but all J.P. did was clap a hand onto his shoulder and give him a patronizing smile. "Come on Kouichi, whatever it is, you can tell me. This trust thing has to work both ways."

"I don't want you to trust me." He dipped his head to his chest, letting his bangs shadow his eyes. "You _shouldn't_ trust me."

"That's not how being part of a team goes. If we're going to defeat Cherubimon, we'll have to depend on each other. Whatever it is, we'll work through it. It's all right."

"No it's not!" Kouichi dropped his firewood and pulled away, giving J.P. another fierce look. His eyes were wide and honest, desperate and, under it all, very much afraid. "You of all people should know that! I've sensed you watching me. I know you know what's happening."

"Not really, no," admitted J.P. with a shrug that seemed very under-dramatic given Kouichi's tone. "I mean, I was half expecting to find you out here giving intelligence to Cherubimon or something. Since that's obviously not what's happening, I'm sort of out of ideas. And even that one sounds a little ridiculous now that I say it…" He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Kouichi regarded him as though he were hiding a knife in his blue jumpsuit, taking in air a little more deeply than was necessary. He was studying him, sizing him up behind that innocent gaze. J.P.'s blush faded as Kouichi held time still with his intent stare.

"I can still hear him," he finally said into the black, voice quavering. "In my mind. I can still hear him calling to me, and I can still remember what it was like when he was there. I'm not Duskmon any more, but he's still inside me. The closer we get to the Rose Morning Star, the more I feel myself slipping back into the darkness. And you're the only one besides me who's even concerned. Albeit for… different reasons."

"Look, I have been accused of being somewhat paranoid, but the others are nice people. What do you want them to do, Kouichi, alienate you? Sorry to be insensitive, but wasn't it loneliness that got you into this mess to begin with?"

"I-" the protest died on his lips as J.P. continued to press.

"I'm not going to pretend to know why you became Duskmon or what you've been through, but Kouji and Takuya do- well, as much as anyone could, and they're not worried." Kouichi dropped his eyes, fists tense at his sides as if he were fighting the urge to bolt.

"I spent so much time watching him, so many days following him, and I created this idea of who he was in my mind. It made it easier to..." He swallowed. "Now I realize I don't know my brother at all. And he doesn't know me. He knows what I've done, but he doesn't know _me_. Yet he still won't blame me. He wants to think when he purified the Spirit of Darkness he purified _my_ spirit too. He wants everything to be all right between us. All he wants is to be my brother, and I just don't have the heart to tell him what kind of monster he's related to. You can't purify the human heart with a data scan. I'm still bitter. I'm still angry. And I'm still very tempted to accept the power and numbness Cherubimon offers." He took a step closer to J.P., looking at him meaningfully. "Do you have any idea what kind of power he offers? What you could do with that kind of power?"

"I know what you did with it," retorted J.P. harshly. Kouichi set his jaw like he'd been hit, but he didn't retreat. He wanted to be chastised; he desperately wanted someone to blame him as much as he blamed himself. He wanted… to be punished. The older boy softened, giving him a small, serious grin. "I also know that you know better now. You don't control that sort of power; it controls you. You may still feel tempted by Cherubimon, heck, you might even start back on the same path, but you'll never accept that kind of corruption again."

Navy eyes fell. "How can you be so sure?"

"Well, for one thing, look at yourself. You're so racked with guilt you can barely have a single conversation without pointing out what a terrible person you are. But besides that, I know Kouji. He feels just as responsible as you do." J.P. held up a hand to silence Kouichi's protest. "It doesn't matter what you or I think, he's convinced that if he'd just been a little more observant, you never would have had to resort to Cherubimon to get his attention. You know Kouji, it's always all about him. He just found you; he's not going to let you go again." Kouichi's head drooped in dejected defeat.

"You're right, Kouji's strong enough to stand up to Cherubimon, even if I'm not."

"Psh, no he's not," J.P. laughed, genuinely smiling. "Kouji thinks he's hot stuff, but he's really just a total sap. He could fight all day long, but if you really wanted to leave there's not a thing he could do to stop you. It's your bond to that crazy twin of yours, your desire not to hurt him, that'll keep you good. That's what brought you back the first time. That's what you use to fight whatever crazy influence Cherubimon still holds over you. Then we'll defeat him and it'll all be fine again."

Kouichi tilted his head to one side, staring at him with a mixture of awe, confusion, appreciation, and skepticism. "How do you know all this," he finally asked cautiously, as if it were some kind of bad karma to question a sage's wisdom.

"You haven't been around us long enough to figure this out, but I'm actually the smartest member of the team. Excluding Zoe, of course."

"Indeed." The word hung for a long moment, like a chord of unresolved dissonance. "So," he finally continued. "Are we…"

"Don't misunderstand, I'm still watching you. It's gonna take more than one heart-felt talk in the dark to convince me you're harmless. Well, harmless to us." Kouichi gave him a sideways stare, navy meeting brown in understanding.

"Fair enough." J.P. nodded and turned to head back to camp. He'd done his good deed and was very much ready for bed now. A voice halted him. "Wait, where are you-"

"Sleep."

"Oh." He started to move. "J.P., you won't-" He stopped again.

"This is all between you and me. I'm not going to tell Kouji, or anyone else, about it." Walking again.

"But, I-" He stopped, stretched meaningfully, and clasped his hands behind his head.

"Look, if you want to share with the others, go on ahead. As long as you don't tell Kouji what I said about him. Actually, feel particularly free to tell Zoe. Or you could just go back to being all dark and broody. Makes no difference to me. Come with us. Help us fight Cherubimon. That's all I really care about." He was about to disappear back into the trees when he was held back a fourth time.

"J.P…. Thank you." He looked over his shoulder, smiled broadly, yawned widely, and rejoined his sleeping teammates. Kouichi watched his back for a moment, a perplexed look dominating his eyes. Then he bent down and began to recollect the dry firewood, almost smiling to himself. They probably wouldn't even be necessary; it wasn't nearly as cold as he thought. But he wanted wood near the fire, just in case.


End file.
